New Beginnings

So I already posted about my new job but one of the reasons I wanted to make the move to a telecommuting nursing position was because I live here:

 and I was seeing way too many concrete walls all day long,

and not nearly enough of this hot guy (or the turtles for that matter)

 or this beach. 

And I was missing waaaaaayy too many of these,

and not getting nearly enough time logged on this baby.

: 

 So now that I will be working from home I expect to use this a LOT more.

And see those tourist white feet? Yeah I plan on remedying that by logging some work time out by the pool starting with the lovely week off I have between the last place of employment and the new. I am very blessed and I am SUPER excited to get to enjoy the island life we love so much.

And just because it makes me giggle like a little girl every time I watch it, I leave you with this gem. 

The meaning of things.

In the past year just about all of my patients had some level of dementia. But there was one who I spent the most time with and came to know very well. I watched him disappear into the insidious thief known as Alzheimer's Disease each week. Some weeks were better than others but eventually he was just a shell of the man I had met just 12 short months before. It broke my heart and I would cry each time I left his house, knowing how desperately he needed the safety of group home, my hands tied by a system that was broken beyond repair. Eventually I was able to help him to a place where he was safe, fed, warm and clean. He was happy which made me happy. It was about this time that I first heard Ed Sheeran's "Afire Love". At first I thought it was a love song but as I listened, I realized it was talking about Alzheimer's. I did some research and sure enough, Mr. Sheeran's grandfather died from the disease last year inspiring this song.  

I hate Alzheimer's disease. It's a dirty rotten bastard. According to Alzheimers.net, "Alzheimer's affects more people than cancer, heart disease and AIDS combined." Such a sad truth. It is my every hope that research continues to be funded to find the cause and prevention for this horrible disease. Until then, I will continue to love on the elderly who are afflicted with it, and help their families find hope. 

How did I become such a terrible blogger?

A million years ago, before the advent of FaceBook, I used to blog everyday. I was pretty awesome at it actually. I had TONS of followers. I was witty, thoughtful, poignant and fun. Enter FB and Twitter and suddenly everything becomes a bullet statement. It worked. For a while. But bullet statements don't get this stuff out of my head, or cause me to sit down and contemplate my navel very well. 

Because of this (or is it in spite of? I dunno) I closed my Facebook page permanently. Oh there were lots of other reasons too, but the main reason was my need to express myself without a bunch of crappy people telling me what they thought. That's right I said it. Crappy people. Do I REALLY have 272 friends. No. I know 272 people, but they are not my "friends" and I don't really want their opinions bombarding me everyday. So I exercised my executive powers and pulled the plug. Honestly, I haven't missed it for a second. Now my challenge is to actually put my thoughts down here, to be honest about them and to do it as often as possible. Right now I am writing to ME. Because nobody else follows me. But hopefully some of my old blogdork friends will find me and we can go forge new paths in this place. 

Let me start by catching you up to November 5th. The last time I blogged I was frustrated with my work situation and thinking of changing positions. I did some poking around but it wasn't the right time and so I stayed where I was. It was the right thing to do, the person I mentioned in my last post needed me to stay and help them through their journey. But when that was over I looked around and realized I was not really being utilized well in my current position. So once again, I started investigating the possibility of new employment. I am a faith filled person and so I spent a lot of time in prayer and dropped the whole thing in God's lap. I basically told Him that if he wanted me to change positions He needed to give me some huge neon flashing signs and open doors WIDE. Well, be careful what you ask for because I got just that. I received not just one but two incredible offers for work, and was in the position to negotiate my salary and benefits to the exact specifications I wanted. Only I never even had to open my mouth. The position I ended up taking called me with their complete package offer and it was exactly what I was going to ask for, to the penny, and it was above what they paid for the position. Ok God, I hear you. 

So this is my last week in my former position. I have learned A LOT that will help me in my new position, and I will be on a steeeeeep learning curve when I start my new job in a week or so. But I am excited to see where God takes me and what he has in store for me. 

Also, I got a puppy. She is adorkable. 

Her name is Mojito (Moji for short) and we love her. She is all boneless puppy energy and the chihuahuas run for their lives when she is let loose. A house without a dog is a sad place indeed. 

Ok I have to go pretend to be busy for the day at work now. Three more days til the new beginning!

~R

I feel like life is trying to eat me.

The past two weeks have been quite literally some of the most difficult of my adult life (and that's saying something considering some of the things I have gone through).  I even asked my boss to take me off the case I am working on because it is sucking the life out of me.

She said no by the way.

One of the hardest parts of working in healthcare is the part where you have no one to share your stuff with. There needs to be a nurses anonymous where we can just go and talk about our stuff. It's particularly hard in my line of work because I work independently. This is why I talk to myself in the car a lot (if that passenger seat could talk...)

So I am trying to work on positive ways to deal with the work stress that don't include running 200 miles a day (I don't run) or drinking myself to death (don't drink much). The past weekend we demo'd our kitchen in preparation for remodeling and LET ME TELL YOU. Nothing works out issues like swinging a hammer at sheet rock and ripping out cabinets!!! I was totally Zen for about 30 seconds at work on Monday until I had to meet with a certain community partner who makes me crazy. The Zen left and Monday lasted two weeks. At least it felt that way.

So I am looking for another plan because I can't afford to tear out all the walls in my house. Puppy cuddler is sounding good right about now. As a profession and therapy.

I love what I do. Helping elderly people remain in their homes as long as possible is important. And also heartbreaking at times. It is building a level of character in me that was missing before. It is teaching me patience. It is showing me a new kind of love.

When I was a young girl I read constantly. One of my favorites was C.S. Lewis's Narnia series. I wore the pages out reading and re-reading them. My favorite by far was The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. In this book there is a young boy named Eustace Scrub. He is not a very likable fellow and he finds himself in a predicament in which he has turned himself into a dragon accidentally due to his selfish nature. During his journey to discover how to turn back into a real boy he has to peel off the layers of his dragon skin. It is an unpleasant and somewhat painful experience for him but when it is over his spirit is renewed and he is forever changed for the better.

I want to be like Eustace. I want this experience to change me into a new person, full of kindness, compassion, patience and boundless love. I have some of these qualities already but not in their full measure and not in an unselfish way. I know that there is a plan in all of this. I just have to keep seeking the Plan Maker and He will show me the way.

Ok, I'm off to see what Wednesday has in store. I'm sure it can only get better from here!!

In my line of work, confidentiality is the rule. This leads to a lot of stressful nights for me trying to work out the events of the day (or days) and me being a grouchy wife for my poor husband. I tend to talk to myself as I drive down the road hoping that the car seat next to me is sympathetic (the jury is still out, its looks like a judgmental bastard). The good thing about the technological advances of the 21st century is that I at least don't look like the schizo that I am, due to Bluetooth technology. ("Mommy, that lady is talking to herself! Oh honey don't worry, she is talking to someone on her Bluetooth!")  No, I'm talking to myself.

I also tend to listen to moody, sad, depressing music. This helps IMMENSELY. Let me tell you, there is nothing like a good break up song when you are already sad to make for a happy wife walking in the front door. 

So, I decided I better start writing things down. Of course none of this will be actually what I am dealing with, that would get me fired in a New York Minute. But as much as possible, through combining stories and name/place/time changes I hope to be able to express my life and emotions here and to somehow lessen the pain of what I do. What do I do? I work with older adults who are unable to care for themselves. People who have dementia, or Alzheimer's, or a myriad of other issues and are in need of some assistance. It's not always bad, but when it's bad, its bad. But sometimes it's GREAT. I'll share those times too. Those are the times that get me through, that keep me going. I love the elderly, there are a national treasure and we do not respect them as we should in this country. I hope, through my little stories, to impart some of this love and caring to you.  

Thanks for reading. I'll be back soon.